Why I Don't Care About 'The Ecosystem™' Anymore

This past week has been tough. I've been utterly shattered - and not just in the typical way that parents with two young kids are. I've felt broken. Simply climbing the stairs drained me completely. But this might surprise you but it isn't new. I've been dealing with these episodes for almost two decades. Let me explain..

Post viral fatigue

Post viral fatigue has came to prominence in the last few years under the term 'Long COVID'. After a viral infection (like COVID) some people experience a long-term impact on their health even once the viral infection has cleared. That's what happened to be but it wasn't COVID that was my trigger, my story with post viral fatigue actually starts a lot earlier.

2006 infact. I was 19 and in the first semester of my second year of Computer Science at the University of Strathclyde. I contracted Glandular Fever (mono/Epstein-Barr). Not uncommon for a teenager but it hit me hard. I was pretty unwell for a few weeks but as the main symptoms subsided I was left with a constant feeling of tiredness. You might think thats just being a typical lazy teenager but it was a lot more than that.

I was always someone who an early riser - doing paper rounds before school and getting up early to start my homework before watching Everybody Loves Raymond on Channel 4 - I suddenly found myself sleeping 20 hours a day. I wasn't even eating, my weight plummeted, jaundice set in, and doctors were monitoring my liver function. Months passed, and despite struggling through first semester exams (and passing them) I just couldn't continue. I elected to restart my second year of the course the following year.

For an anxious, socially awkward student lacking confidence, this was a significant blow but I got through it and was better for it in the end. Though my health gradually improved and I was able to return to university, I still had to learn to live with new "limitations" of post viral fatigue life.

It's hard to articulate but I liken it to having an energy gauge like a computer game character, I can go from 100% to 50% to 100% no problem but if I go below say 30% I then only get back to 50%, I don't fully recover. Or I find that if I drain my energy too quickly (ie the intensity of the activity) I know I'm in trouble. It's called Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM) or commonly known as 'crash'. These PEM episodes see me extremely fatigued, I struggle with mental load and I typically feel quite run down.

So I started managing my energy reserves - if I played five-a-side football, I knew the next day's pub quiz was off the table. If I went a long drive I knew I'd need an early night and take it easy the next day. These subtle adjustments became so ingrained I barely noticed them consciously. I grew into a pretty 'normal' way of living with maybe two or three 'crashes' a year.

Each crash is a mini episode where I would almost relapse to where I was at 19. So tired I could barely function, brain fog and complete exhaustion

What happened this past week?

So yeah this past week I've been experiencing Post-Exertional Malaise. The trigger? A round of golf. Just my second full 18 holes since taking up the sport in middle age. It was glorious - I managed a couple of birdies and was driving 290 yards straight down the fairway. But as the round progressed, fatigue crept in. What followed was a crash that left me unable to play with my kids or even properly watch football (I mean sit and watch, not even playing).

I've been in a constant state of recovery for the past week. I've been trying to get back to normal but I've been struggling. I've been trying to do too much too soon and that's actually the worst thing for it. I really just need to take it easy and accept that I'm not going to be able to do everything I want to do for a wee while.

Looking back

Don't get me wrong. Overall I'm really fortunate. Really really fortunate infact. I would definetly say my post vial fatigue is on the mild end of the spectrum. I still consider myself to have my health. I'm not in pain, I'm not on medication, I'm not physically disabled, I'm still able to work, still able to play with my kids.

To be clear this blog post isn't a sob story, I'm not publishing this for sympathy but more its me setting the scene and being reflective on my journey.

This recent episode has made me reflect on how I've spent my 'energy bar' over the past decade plus, particularly with my activity through RookieOven. From 2010 to 2019 I traversed the length and breadth of the UK representing Scottish tech startups. I started a coworking space, I organized countless events and hackathons, I mentored hundreds of young people in Scotland. I put a lot into 'the ecosystem'. That all had a cost on my energy envelope.

Over that period I said no to personal experiences and moments for what I believed was the greater good of the tech community. I was really passionate about the Scottish tech and our potential as a country to produce world class tech companies. I wanted to make a difference. Do I regret it? No. I can honestly say I don't regret it at all. I did what I felt was right and important at the time. I enjoyed (most of) it and if nothing else I've probably earned the right to an opinion and share my $0.02 of the Scottish tech ecosystem. But here's the kicker... I'm so apathetic about it all.

The Ecosystem™

Over the years I've felt a lot of emotions about Scottish tech. The negative - anger, frustration, disappointment - and positive - pride, excitement, hope - but here we are in 2025 and despite the previous decade plus of doing RookieOven I'm just so apathetic to it all. I've really stepped back from being an active participant in the conversations about Scotland's tech ecosystem. For something I was so driven and passionate about for a long time, I've become increasingly apathetic.

The constant back-and-forth around the Scottish tech ecosystem between critics and cheerleaders on LinkedIn feels increasingly distant from the real work of building and growing companies in Scotland. My energy is too precious to spend on these debates now. I've grown pretty insular since 2020. I go to the RookieOven Meetup each month and that's about it. I don't go to other events, I can't be bothered with the politics, I just want to build good tech products and celebrate success of my peers in Scotland.

While I'm not particularly 'active' these days I've got a lot of respect for the people who are still out there doing the hard graft for 'the ecosystem'. Not because there's money in it but because they genuinely care about the community. Hats off to you.

You truly are the unsung heroes of the Scottish tech community and I appreciate your work. Thank you.

Where do I go from here?

I've more than paid my dues to the Scottish tech community - running hackathons, opening coworking spaces, mentoring young people, and even trying to advise government. All while carefully managing an energy envelope that most people never knew existed.

Now I'm somewhat being selfish. I might throw the odd blog post up here on RookieOven to share an opinion or two if my apathy allows it and I still run the monthly Meetup for founders in Glasgow. For the most part though I've got my head down, constantly shipping and scaling our own tech products at Add Jam and doing it with a more global outlook than focusing on the Scottish ecosystem. And of course aside from that I'm spending quality time with my wife and daughters... and maybe the occasional round of golf if I have the energy for it.

Hopefully we can catch up at the next RookieOven Meetup. I'll make sure to keep enough energy in reserve for that.

To reiterate this is not a sob story. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just reflecting on my journey and how I've spent my energy over the past decade plus. I poured a lot into something I was deeply passionate about and with what I've seen happen in the past 5 years or so that passion has turned into apathy.